We Are What We Are
by t.s. thrace
Summary: During the last days of the 74th Hunger Games, it becomes harder to know who is friend or enemy. Katniss becomes entangled with Lexa, a powerful tribute she thought she hated. As the Games push them from one battle to the next and each are forced to trust the other with her life, the way they see each other changes.


She heard it before she saw it, the sound of something spinning sharply through the air. She ducked just a bit, knew it was too high, and then heard it land with a rustle in some brush behind her.

"Oh, fuck you," she swore under her breath, rolling her eyes. _Not a Career_ , she thought. _We don't miss. At least not by that much._ She crouched down, completely hidden in a mess of thicket. _Come get your knife_ , she silently dared whoever was out there. She slowed her breathing, bit her lips, and waited. Nothing. _Smart kid_ , she thought. But then she heard slow, cautious steps through the undergrowth. _Maybe not so smart._ She ducked into her hiding place and focused her eyes. _Where are you?_

Finally she saw him. He was a tiny thing, probably one of those unlucky kids whose name was called at his very first reaping. Never had a chance. She waited as he stalked by, quiet as he could be, which wasn't very. He was about five yards past her when she silently crept out of her hiding place gripping her sword. She was about to spring when the hairs on her arms stood up.

"You sure you want to do that?" Both she and the boy froze. Katniss, the tall girl from District 12 stood ten feet away with an an arrow trained on her. "It's Lexa, right?" she asked. "District 2? Where are your Career friends?"

Lexa stayed silent. She felt anger surging in her, but there was nothing she could do. She put her hands in the air but didn't drop her sword. She looked at the boy. He was tiny, maybe a good foot shorter than her. His Games-issued jacket hung on him like a wet blanket, and his brown face was frozen in terror.

"Morris," Katniss said, still looking at Lexa, "get out of here." The boy's face melted into a grimace, and he suddenly fell to his knees, vomiting up the likely precious little that was in his stomach. _He'll be dehydrated_ , Lexa thought. Katniss hissed at the boy, "GO." He pushed himself onto his feet, wiped his mouth on his jacket sleeve, and looked at Katniss. "Now!" she said sharply. He was too tired to do anything but trudge, and he walked slowly away through the underbrush.

"Really?" Katniss looked sharply at Lexa, her bow still taut. "That kid is 12. He couldn't hurt you if he tried."

"These are the Games, Katniss," Lexa sighed. "I'd be doing him a favor."

"I'd be doing all of us a favor right now…" Katniss pulled the arrow back.

"It's how I was always going to die." Lexa shrugged. "Better you than some scrawny kid. At least you have a chance to win." She closed her eyes, started counting her breaths, and waited for pain or darkness. But there was nothing. She opened her eyes. The arrow was still locked in on her, but she saw Katniss' eyes blink, angry and frozen.

So Lexa took her chance. She threw her sword awkwardly at Katniss whose arrow fired harmlessly into the air when she ducked. Then Lexa sprang on her, tackling her with all her force. She heard Katniss groan as her back hit the ground. Lexa forced her forearm onto Katniss' neck, but Katniss's hands caught it, held off the pressure. _She's fucking strong_ , Lexa thought as she calculated her next move. This is what she had been trained to do. The sword was her specialty, but she had done plenty of hand-to-hand combat. _No way this backwoods girl-_ but suddenly Lexa was tumbling over. Katniss had somehow flung her off. They both scrambled to their feet, sized each other up. Lexa didn't see a knife or any other weapon. The only weapon she had was somewhere in the brush behind Katniss. _Tall_ , Lexa thought, _and probably a little slow. Go low._ But Katniss was on her before she had a chance, going low on Lexa. Lexa rolled with the tackle and sprung back onto her feet. _Sloppy_ , she thought, and moved towards Katniss who was on her hands and knees. Lexa got Katniss on her back again, but she saw the rock in her hand too late. It pounded into Lexa's temple and she crumpled with the blow. Katniss was on top of her in a second, her knee in Lexa's stomach and an elbow at her throat, but she didn't push.

"I don't want to kill you," Katniss said quietly, harshly, angry tears welling in her eyes.

"Then you're weak," Lexa spat back. Katniss pushed her elbow down. Lexa felt her throat close and opened her mouth wide like a fish, searching for breath. _I must look ridiculous._ She tried to lift her hands, but everything went blurry and then black.

* * *

Katniss stared at the girl from District Two. _Why didn't I kill her?_ she thought. She held the girl's sword, turned it in her hand a few times. It felt heavy, awkward. _I should have killed her. She would have killed me._ Morris was smaller than Prim, and Lexa was about to mow him down. She wouldn't have thought twice. _I'm not like her._ Katniss looked down again. The Career looked young in her sleep. Peaceful in a way Katniss didn't expect. There was blood on her temple. Katniss instinctively reached to wipe it away but pulled away quickly, remembering who Lexa was. A Career. Trained her whole life for this moment. _She volunteered!_ Katniss thought. _To be in this horrible place. To kill kids like Morris. That could have been Prim she was hunting._ Katniss felt her body tense thinking about her younger sister in this place, trying to survive in these woods with killer Careers hunting her down. She picked up Lexa's sword again and stared at its sharp point. A stab in the heart. Or just a nick in the artery in her leg. _She'd bleed out before she knew what was happening._ She grabbed the sword with both hands, drew the point to the inside of Lexa's leg.

A dull boom rang through the air. Katniss set the sword down and looked through the tangle of branches above her at the sky. Morris' frightened face hung in the air. Katniss shook her head and closed her eyes. _He was a sweet kid._ She couldn't figure out how he'd lasted so long. He must have stayed hidden. Knowing he stayed alive as long as the Careers must have given him courage when he saw Lexa. _He should've known better._ She picked up her bow and then pulled out the boy's knife that she'd found in the grass. She carved a tally mark alongside 17 others. Only six of them left. Four Careers and Peeta. And her. _Where is Peeta?_

Katniss suddenly felt eyes on her. She turned to see Lexa looking up at her with an eerily calm expression. Katniss had bound her hands and feet with knots her dad had taught her when she was little, and stuffed a handkerchief in her mouth and tied it around her head. So Lexa just sat calmly, silently, looking at Katniss with bright green eyes.

"Nice hiding place you have here." Katniss said. She meant it. It was an opening under a tangled dome of especially thick brush, so tall she could almost stand. Leafy overhead but still letting in light; brush on all sides but two exits, just in case, both camouflaged by loose, thorny bushes. Lexa had made an almost comfortable camp inside with a bedroll and some cooking gear that only sponsors could have sent. _I wonder if their cameras are in here?_ Katniss thought, looking up and around. As if reading her thoughts, Lexa silently directed her eyes straight up and then towards one of the exits. _Of course there are cameras. Lexa didn't build this place._ Katniss wondered if sponsors had shown her where it was. _Do the other Careers know about it?_ She reached quickly for her knife and looked down at Lexa, who sat back, reclining as comfortably as she could.

"Where are the other Careers?" Katniss squinted down at Lexa. "I know you've been working with them. I trailed you for the first few days." She saw a flash of surprise in Lexa's eyes that quickly turned to stone. Katniss sighed and looked at the gag. She wanted Lexa's information, but…

She huffed and held up the knife. "I'm going to take that off your mouth, but if you shout I swear I will shove this blade in your throat." Katniss looked into Lexa's eyes steadily, nodded as if reassuring herself, and took off the gag.

"You're not going to kill me," Lexa said matter-of-factly. But she didn't shout. "You should. But you won't."

Katniss ignored her. "Where are the other Careers?"

"How should I know?"

"Lexa, I'm not stupid." Katniss rolled the knife handle between her fingers. "I know you care about Lincoln." The other tribute from her district. "I saw how you joked with each other during training. How you looked out for each other."

Lexa's face became hard. "He's still alive?" she said coldly, not really a question.

Katniss felt confused.

They heard a snap outside, and then a quiet hiss of "Shh!" Not close but not far, and coming closer.

"Get down," Lexa mouthed to Katniss. They both dropped to their bellies, side by side. "They won't see us," Lexa whispered almost silently.

"I lost her tracks," they heard a girl's voice say, not ten yards off. A woman, really. Glimmer from District 1. The only other girl left. She was 18, the last year of eligibility for the Games. All the Careers were. "There's too much leaf cover here."

"Let's spread out," a more boyish voice. Marvel, the other tribute from District 1. "She can't be far."

Their footsteps died away into the woods in separate directions.

Katniss let out a deep breath.

"We should stay here overnight," Lexa said. "They won't find us. No one can see this place. They'll keep moving."

Katniss considered this. She was probably right. If they moved now, they'd risk the hiding place being discovered. But it would also mean bunkering down with a Career for the night. She looked down at Lexa. Those were her dad's knots. She wasn't going anywhere.

"Fine," she said blankly and settled onto the bedroll.

"Are you going to untie me?"

"Nope."

"Fine."

Katniss took out the remains of a squirrel she had cooked the night before and took a bite.

"There are rations in my bag over there," Lexa told her. "Enough for both of us."

"I'm fine."

"Well, I'm hungry."

"Should have thought about that before you tried to kill that kid."

"He's dead anyway. And probably not as cleanly as I would have done it."

Katniss' balled her hand up in a fist, and she glared at Lexa.

"You're a monster," she said in a low voice.

"We are what we are," Lexa replied quietly, looking down. Katniss unclenched her fist and squinted at Lexa, trying to read her. She had never talked to a Career like this before. Lexa looked up at her. "You should have killed me when you had the chance."

"Yeah." Katniss nodded and looked out at nothing in particular. "I should have." She picked up her bottle and took some sips of water.

"You could at least give me some of that water." Lexa replied, a hint of desperation in her voice.

 _I'm not like her_ , Katniss told herself. Sighing, handed the bottle to Lexa. Lexa looked down at her hands bound behind her back and waited. Katniss sighed again, heavier this time, and brought the bottle to Lexa's lips. She was careful, gentle, making sure nothing spilled. She thought of her sister. _She's the gentle one, not me._ She imagined Lexa gutting Prim with a sword, and she jerked the bottle back.

"That's enough."

Lexa looked at Katniss quizzically, like she was trying to find the right spot for a piece in the puzzle. Katniss spread out on the bedroll with her face away from Lexa who pulled her knees up and rested her head on them. They sat in silence as dusk started to fall.

* * *

A small bell woke them up. It was night, but a bright moon trickled down through the branches of the hideout. The bell rang again. A familiar sound: a sponsor parachute drifting somewhere outside. They both lifted their heads, listening.

"It's far off," Lexa said. "Maybe it's not for one of us."

But it continued to ring, moving slowly towards them, but still distant.

"It's coming our way," Katniss said. But it was so slow, ringing out through the dark forest.

Lexa's eyes darted around. "Someone's going to hear it if you don't grab it. It'll lead them right to us."

"It's so loud." Katniss had received parachutes. A healing salve. Hot chocolate. They were quick, just loud enough to get your attention, discreet. Lexa's face shined in the moonlight, her face alert, worried. _She's right_ , Katniss thought, and she sprang towards the exit closest to the sound, pushing the bushes out of the way and crawling out. The parachute was suddenly right in the doorway, its bell blasting into the woods. Katniss grabbed it and pulled it open, but the ringing didn't stop. Inside, there was a folded note with Lexa's name on it. She dashed back inside.

"It's for you!" she whispered frantically.

"Are you going to fucking open it?" Lexa looked exasperated.

Katniss unfolded the note. One word was written on it: TRAITOR. She showed it to Lexa with a confused and suspicious stare. _Why didn't I kill her?_ Katniss quickly started gathering her bag and her bow and quiver.

"You don't know what that's about," Lexa said, panic on the edge of her voice.

Katniss turned to leave.

"Wait!" Lexa said frantically. "Either untie me or kill me. I don't want to be like this when they find me." Katniss started out the exit. "Please!" Lexa was no longer hiding her desperation.

Katniss felt her whole body burn with anger. She turned around. _There's no time!_ The parachute's bells were still echoing through the dark. They both heard a distant shout. Katniss balled up her fists so her nails dug into her skin. _What would they do to her?_ Grimacing, she turned around and cut Lexa's ropes. Then she turned to the exit, struggling with both her bow and Lexa's sword.

"Give me my sword," Lexa said, just behind her.

"No," Katniss said flatly.

"We don't have time for this," Lexa said quietly, urgently. "You can't hold it and use your bow at the same time."

Outside, the parachute was still ringing. Lexa reached down, tore off the parachute, and threw the container as far as she could, sending the chiming bell with it. Katniss kept walking, her head turning furtively from side to side.

"I'm not going to hurt you!" Lexa hissed in a whisper.

They both froze when they heard leaves rustling not far off. Lexa darted behind a huge oak nearby and Katniss followed. There was nowhere else to go.

Lexa took a deep breath and came close to Katniss' ear, pleading almost silently, "Katniss, please." Katniss' body was still hot with anger. _This killer Career. That stupid parachute. These evil Games._ But Lexa was right. Again. She couldn't carry Lexa's sword, not with her bow and arrows. She couldn't throw it far enough that Lexa wouldn't find it.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Lexa's hushed voice sounded tired, almost defeated. "I'm not with them anymore."

Katniss turned to Lexa with her finger to her lips. _Be quiet._ She looked into Lexa's eyes, green and always oddly calm. There was something solid about her that Katniss was drawn to. Lexa had been taught to kill, and she was probably good at it. But she never hid her intentions. She hadn't lied. Katniss clenched her jaw tight then took a deep breath. Then she held the sword out to Lexa. Lexa's eyes grew soft. She bent her head slightly. _Thank you._ She held the sword easily, gracefully, looking down at it, almost greeting it.

They both heard a tiny cracking sound. Suddenly, instinctively, they each went into hunting mode. Katniss strung an arrow. Lexa bent her legs, ready to spring. They both peered around the tree from either side, saw movement across the small clearing. Tall, dark hair. Marvel. Katniss stepped out from behind the tree, her bow taut.

 _She won't do it,_ Lexa thought. _Not unless he comes at her first._ So Lexa stepped out from the other side of the tree, giving Marvel a different target. She couldn't beat them without Katniss, needed her to stay alive. She flashed her sword, reflecting the moonlight in his direction. _Throw it_ , she dared him. She tried to see his eyes across the clearing. She had stayed close to him the entire week of training. Careers are supposed to stick together-until they're not, until there's no one else left. But not this time. She stayed with them at first, until...

She saw a flash of metal across the way-not eyes. Lexa smiled to herself. _He's going to throw it._

Suddenly she heard the quiet snap of a bow string. _Shit. No!_ Katniss had fired at Marvel. She heard the arrow crash into some trees. Katniss had missed. Lexa looked across the clearing and saw the moonlight again glinting on metal.

"Get down, Katniss!" she shouted. Almost simultaneously, she heard Katniss hit the leaves and the thunk of Marvel's spear into the tree.

"Are you okay?" Lexa whispered.

"Yeah."

Lexa dashed up to grab the spear out of the front of the tree. Marvel had knives, but he'd have to come closer to use them. She saw that Katniss was back on her feet, aiming an arrow. Lexa crouched to stay out of the line of fire, and her eyes caught a shadow shifting behind Katniss. Blonde hair. Coming closer.

"Behind you, Katniss!" But Katniss didn't move, her eyes trained across the clearing. She let the arrow fly just as Glimmer was upon her. Lexa rushed at Katniss, sword in hand. Katniss didn't have time to grab another arrow. Her eyes filled with anger as Lexa came at her. Lexa thrust her sword just under Katniss' arm, felt it slide against bone and into flesh.

Two cannons went off, one after the other. The confident faces of the tributes from District One lit up the sky. Glimmer's body fell backward, Lexa's sword still lodged between her ribs, through her heart.

Katniss stood frozen, her face pale in the moonlight. "I thought…"

"I know what you thought." Lexa said quietly as she stepped around Katniss to pull her sword out of Glimmer's still body. "I told you I wasn't going to hurt you." She glanced up as she wiped the blood off her blade on some leaves.

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be. You shouldn't trust anyone out here."

"You trust me."

"I don't trust you. I just know that you won't kill just to kill. Just to win." Lexa slid her sword into a sheath on her back.

Katniss looked down, nodding slightly, a lock of hair falling over her face. She rubbed her eyes. Then she winced and reached behind her. Her fingers came back bloody.

"Fuck!" Lexa rushed to look at the wound, a slice down Katniss' shoulder blade.

"I didn't even feel it…" Katniss said absently.

"I can't really see it," Lexa said, "it's not a big cut, I don't think. But there's a lot of blood."

"I'm fine," Katniss slung her bow over her shoulder. "We should go."

"Ten percent die from infection," Lexa recited words they had heard in training with all the tributes not a week before, a hint of a smile across her lips.

Katniss let a brief, sad laugh escape.

"I have something that'll help in the hideout," Lexa said. "Maybe we just go back and rest for the night. Start again tomorrow."

"Do you think Lincoln's around?"

"I don't know. I don't think so." Lexa looked out into the woods. "I don't know."

"Does he know about the hideout?"

Lexa shook her head.

Katniss looked around. "I don't think Peeta's around. Even if he was…" Lexa looked at Katniss as if asking a question. Katniss shook her head. "I just don't think he'll hurt me."

"Not after the show you put on for the crowd with Caesar." Lexa said, teasing her.

"It's not like that," Katniss said quietly as she started for the hideout. Lexa followed her. When they reached the entrance, they both looked around, making sure no one was around. Then they crawled inside.

Lexa reached into her pack and pulled out a canister. Katniss recognized it.

"The salve, right?" she said. "I got some for a burn after the forest fire. But that can is huge."

"Sponsors love Careers." Lexa shrugged. "Turn around."

Katniss shuffled in the small space so that her back was towards Lexa and pulled off her jacket.

"Your shirt, too."

Katniss paused. She suddenly felt shy.

"Katniss, it's covered in blood," Lexa said matter-of-factly.

Katniss pulled off her shirt. Lexa poured a bit of water out of her small flask onto a cleaner part of Katniss' shirt and started wiping away the blood.

Katniss sucked in her breath as the cloth stung her wound. She closed her eyes and remembered Peeta talking to Caesar during his interview. Declaring his love for her. She shook her head. It wasn't like that. Not for her, at least. He was a sweet boy. Kind. He shouldn't be here. Then she remembered Lexa's interview. She didn't wear a sparkly or silky gown. Her stylist went for power instead: a black coat that hung to her knees, locked around her body with a metal corset, with metal-studded fingerless gloves, black boots to her knees, and a long red satin cloak that hung down her back over her left shoulder to the ground. Her long brown hair hung in a maze of small braids behind her, pulled back from her face to reveal a black mask painted over her eyes, dripping like blood down her cheeks. A terrifying, beautiful queen. Which is what Caesar had called her.

"Oooooh," he had said, backing away in pretend fear. "Look at this," he said to the huge audience. "We have a dark queen from District 2. And stunning." He looked her up and down. "Isn't she stunning?" The crowd roared and clapped.

Lexa just stood there, her hands behind her back, looking straight ahead, her green eyes shining.

"I don't think she's here to keep the peace," he said, alluding to her district and laughing his big, fake laugh. "Come, come," he beckoned her to sit. She sat on the edge of the chair, her back stiff and her eyes defiant.

"Now I understand," Caesar said as he sat, "that your story is a bit, well, tragic."

Lexa didn't answer.

"Your parents are both gone, if I've heard correctly," Caesar said in his quiet, dramatic way. "Killed in an accident during military exercises. Is that right?"

Lexa looked down. "I was very young."

"I'm so sorry," he replied, sounding so overly sorry that the actual sorry was wiped away. "We are all so grateful for the sacrifices of our military men and women. Aren't we?" The audience clapped politely. Caesar got quiet again. "How has it been, growing up without them?"

"I've had good teachers," she replied curtly, looking out at the audience. "People who raised me to be strong. Smart. Loyal." The crowd clapped again.

"And what about Costia?" Caesar asked with eyes drowning in grave concern. Lexa's jaw clamped, and she looked down. Caesar continued, "I understand she meant a lot to you."

"She's gone…" Lexa said with quiet anger in her voice.

"She must have been very strong to love such a strong woman," Caesar said as he turned to look at the audience. "And we love your strength, don't we?" The audience was deafening. They loved being enticed by a tribute's mystery. They watched the Games eagerly to uncover more of the story, hoping they'd solve it before the tribute died.

Katniss felt Lexa's fingers dabbing the salve over her cut. The cream cooled the pain, and she felt her stiff body relax. She liked Lexa's strokes over her skin. She was so gentle. Katniss didn't know why that surprised her.

"Who's Costia?" Katniss asked.

She felt Lexa's hand pull away. They sat in silence.

"You don't have to tell-"

Lexa cut her off. "No, it's fine. Costia, she was...she was mine." More silence. "We trained together. For this. For the Games, I mean. All of us lived together, ate together, went to school together. For six years. They sent us there when we were 12. That's when we could start. Costia started at the same time as me. She was in my bunkhouse and we just...we just liked each other. We just clicked. Have you ever felt like that?"

Katniss thought about Gale. He was her best friend, probably knew her better than anyone. But she wouldn't say Gale was _hers_. Or she was Gale's. She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."

"You'd know, Katniss." Lexa dabbed more salve on the cut.

"What happened to her?"

Lexa stopped rubbing, rested her hand on Katniss' shoulder. After awhile, she said, "Her father was in the government. Nothing high level, just worked in the Ministry of Peace. He was sent to the Capitol, and he never came back. People said that he was caught doing...something. Treason. But Costia knew better. She knew her dad would never speak against the government. And if he did, she knew he'd have a really good reason. She said so over and over, and I'm not sure which she believed."

Lexa sighed and her hand slipped off Katniss' shoulder. "Either way, she started questioning the Games, the government, why she was training. And she was good. Strong. Fast. She'd probably be here instead of me." Lexa paused again. "Earning the right to volunteer for the Games is a big deal in our district. Even when we were training, people spoiled us, gave us whatever we wanted. We were special. And she was the best. But she didn't want to do it anymore. She tried to quit, but she had already been in training for four years. She was deadly. She could have been selected as a volunteer at 16. It happens sometimes. They wouldn't let her leave. So she tried to escape. I tried to talk her out of it. I knew it was impossible."

She paused again. Katniss heard her swallow hard. "I begged her…" Lexa said quietly. "But she was determined. 'The Hunger Games are evil.' She said. I didn't know what she meant. She said she'd rather die trying to get out than die in the arena. I remember the night before she left. We held each other crying. It made no sense to me, but...I trusted her. And I knew I couldn't stop her. I didn't understand, but..."

Katniss turned around to look at her. Lexa's head was down and tears slipped off her cheeks. Her face was stone like she was trying to will the tears to disappear. She wiped them away roughly. "She didn't get far. Three guards didn't come back after that night, though. They made up some story, saying she rescued another trainee who had got stuck in an electric fence. It was such a stupid story…"

Katniss softly took Lexa's hand. "I'm so sorry."

"I've never told anyone."

Katniss' eyes drifted towards the two cameras. She smiled sardonically. "Now you have."

"Fuck," Lexa said quietly. Somehow, she had forgotten about the Games. "They won't run it. Unless they want my district to hate me more than they already do."

Lexa seemed to suddenly notice her hand in Katniss'. Katniss pulled away, embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

Lexa gently took her hand back, wrapped both her hands around it. "Thank you," she said.

"For what," Katniss looked nervous, like she didn't know what to do with Lexa's gentleness.

"For not killing me when you could have." She paused. "Even though I deserved it."

Katniss' face softened. "This is all you've been training for. For six years." She stroked Lexa's hand slowly with her thumb. "You were doing what you were taught to do."

"And the backwoods girl from District 12 beat me." Lexa laughed quietly. They sat in silence for awhile.

"You must miss her," Katniss said softly looking down.

"I do," Lexa said, nodding slowly. "But I'm proud of her. Even though I still don't understand."

Katniss shook her head. She remembered when Prim's name was called during the reaping. "How can you not understand?" her voice trailed off. She wasn't expecting an answer. She squeezed Lexa's hand gently. She imagined all these kids Prim's age in Districts One and Two, all learning how to kill other kids and treated like heroes because of it. _It's not her fault._ She didn't know anything else. She'd never seen the poverty in District 12. She felt Lexa's steady green eyes on her, and she looked steadily back. _She tried to kill me earlier today. But that was before… Before what?_ Katniss looked down, away. She gently pulled her hand out of Lexa's

Lexa looked down, bit her lips. "I didn't know how hard it would be in the arena. When you're in the academy, all they talk about is how superior we are to the rest of the districts. That you guys are all weak and just want to destroy Panem. Take away everything we have. We're supposed to be stronger. We're _supposed_ to win. And even if we die, it's glorious, so long as we die well, die strong. You should see our celebrations of fallen tributes."

Katniss was still looking down, picking at a leaf on the ground.

"But it's not like that," Lexa continued. "That kid-Morris-he wasn't supposed to be here. He's tiny. It's not fair. And you, Katniss, you are not weak." Lexa paused. "I saw you volunteer." Katniss looked up suddenly. "I thought it was dumb. You die or your sister dies. What did it matter?" Lexa looked into her eyes again. "But you didn't come here to die. You came here because you love your sister. And you try not to kill because you love your sister. And you kill because you love your sister." Lexa shook her head. "I wish I knew what that was like."

She looked over at Katniss and saw tears on her cheeks. Lexa moved beside her and put her arm around her. Katniss collapsed into her and started sobbing. Lexa stroked her dark hair as she held her. Tears burned her own eyes, but she kept them back. She waited until Katniss' sobs grew softer and then she pulled away, looking into her face. Lexa reached up and pushed a lock of hair that had fallen into Katniss' face behind her ear. She wiped away the tears on her cheeks softly with the back of her fingers. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it after a breath and just looked at her, unsure.

 _What is happening?_ Katniss thought, her heart pounding as she tried to study Lexa's eyes in the dark. She wanted to see every shade of green, every shadow, every word they said that she couldn't. She wondered when the sun would come up so she could find out.

Lexa hadn't felt this way since Costia. She hadn't let herself. She smiled slightly at the familiarity of it, the warmth. She saw the sweet nervousness in Katniss' eyes and let it wash over her deliciously. She took a breath and leaned towards Katniss. Closer. Their lips touched softly, rested against each other for a moment before Lexa pulled back slightly to look at Katniss. Katniss' closed eyes opened slowly. Lexa's eyes were soft, her head tilted, asking a silent question. Katniss answered by leaning in and returning the kiss, harder this time, her tongue reaching out to explore, greeted by Lexa's. They kissed slowly, sometimes reaching to find each other, sometimes pulling back to look at each other and then coming back together with a string of little kisses. Lexa heard Katniss' take in a hungry breath as the Career moved down to explore her neck, and Lexa felt the hunger in her body.

But then Katniss pulled away abruptly. "Wait," she said, biting her lip and taking in a long breath. Her eyes drifted towards the cameras.

 _Fuck it!_ Lexa thought to herself, her body tingling, ready. But then she took in a deep breath. Katniss was right. This wasn't smart. Not after what happened with the other Careers.

They sat together silent, not sure what to say that they'd want the cameras to hear. Katniss sighed angrily. _They own us. Every part of us._ She felt tears coming and slammed her eyes shut. She needed to clear her mind, figure out the next move. _Think, Katniss!_

Lexa rubbed her face, her thoughts swirling. _What am I doing? This isn't how I win. But what would it matter if I won now?_ Costia's words came back to her. _The Games are evil._

A voice suddenly rang through the entire arena. "Attention tributes! The regulation requiring a single victor has been suspended. From now on two victors may be crowned if they originate from the same district. This will be the only announcement."

Katniss and Lexa looked at each other.

"They're trying to turn us against each other." Katniss said quietly.

"Well, I'm not going to kill you, so…" Lexa shook her head and looked up at Katniss whose face had suddenly contorted.

"Peeta…" was all she said.

"Oh, shit, Lincoln!" Lexa scrambled to gather her sword and bag, realizing what Katniss had realized.

"Will he hurt Peeta?" Katniss grabbed her bow and quiver.

"Of course he will," Lexa said. "He wants to win."

She had grown up with Lincoln. He was one of the few people at the academy who could break through her always serious facade and make her laugh. They sparred everyday, pushing each other. He was strong, but she was fast. All he wanted was to win, but she knew he had a good heart. He liked to work with the younger trainees at the academy, showed them how to build fires and scout the land. But he didn't like to lose. And he hated to be embarrassed. And Lexa had done something even worse: she had shamed him.

He and Lexa had been hunting in a pack with Marvel and Glimmer. The tributes from District One were loud, so cocky that they didn't think it mattered if anyone heard. Lexa and Lincoln were both annoyed. They had been taught to take every advantage. Be silent when silence was needed. Be intimidating when intimidation was needed. And be smart enough to know when to use which. But District One seemed to think they were too strong for discretion. They were tracking the boy from District 7. Slim, clumsy, not much of a threat, but it was the start of the Games and they were picking off whoever was around. Marvel threw his spear and caught the boy in the calf. The four of them were on him like wild dogs. The boy was shaking, crying, so scared he could hardly breathe.

"Just do it fast," he kept saying in between gasps. "Please, just do it fast."

Lexa drew her sword, but Marvel stopped her. "The Capitol wants a show, don't they?" The boy screamed as Marvel yanked the spear out of his leg.

"C'mon, Marvel, a kill's a kill," Lexa replied, her eyes narrowing.

"You know what the folks back home want. They want to see how strong their volunteers are."

"You think attacking a helpless kid half your size is strong?"

"No, I think mercy is strong." Marvel looked at the boy. "Go," he said. "Run." The boy stayed frozen on the ground, not sure what to do.

"Marvel," Lincoln said. "We don't need to do this."

"Feeling weak today, Lincoln?" Marvel looked around for a camera. When he found one in a tree, he looked straight into it. "District Two, you've sent a defective tribute." Then he looked at Lincoln. "Wonder what your sponsors will think."

Lincoln drew his sword and stepped toward Marvel, and Glimmer drew her knives in response.

"You know I'm not weak," Lincoln growled.

"Then let's hunt," Marvel said with a taunting smile. He looked down at the boy. "Go! Now!" he shouted. The boy tried to stand and collapsed. Marvel looked over at Glimmer. "She'll skin you alive if you don't move now." Glimmer flashed her knives with a slick smile across her face.

The boy started got up on one leg and did his best to hop away.

"This is bullshit!" Lexa stepped in between the boy and the others.

"Lexa, move," Lincoln said quietly.

"You're better than this, Lincoln." Lexa didn't move. The boy continued to crawl away behind her.

Glimmer held her knives ready to throw. "We don't need her. Not really."

"Get out of the way, Lexa," Lincoln said, stepping back towards Marvel and Glimmer.

"You're a fucking sell-out, Lincoln." She glared at him. "And you're a coward." She let that last word hang in the air, let it wash over him. His face contorted with rage, and he lifted his sword. Glimmer pulled her arm back to throw, but Lexa dove to the ground and rolled, dodging the knife and then springing to her feet with a kick, launching Lincoln into Marvel. Up close, Glimmer's remaining knife was no match for Lexa's sword. Lexa easily knocked it away, turned her sword, and swiped across Glimmer's face with the hilt, and she crumpled to the ground. Marvel and Lincoln were up on their feet, but Lexa was already running. As she ran past the boy, she quickly plunged her sword where she knew the boy's heart was. A cannon sounded as she darted off into the forest.

* * *

Katniss was looking at her.

"We should find Peeta before Lincoln does," was all Lexa said before crawling out of the hideout.

"The last I saw him, he was staying close to the cornucopia," Katniss said.

"I hope he knows how to hide," Lexa replied. Peeta seemed strong, but he was no match for Lincoln.

"He does," Katniss said, remembering the camouflage he painted during training.

They crept through the woods, weapons in hand. Lexa was impressed by how silently but quickly Katniss moved. _Maybe our training really wasn't so different_ , she thought. It struck her that she didn't know anything about Katniss' life except that she grew up in a shit district known for coal and that she has a sister she must really care about. _How does she shoot so well? How does she move so quietly? Why are her eyes so angry...or sad?_ Lexa tried to imagine life in a backwater district so far away from the Capitol. All the pictures she'd seen showed dirty men and hollow-cheeked women. She'd been taught that everyone who worked hard got what they needed from the Capitol, so she'd always assumed that the outer districts didn't pull their weight. But Katniss didn't fit that description. She seemed resourceful and smart. Her arms were strong and her face full. She took care of herself. Lexa had so many questions.

She was distracted from her thoughts by what felt like a soft caress on her shoulder. She spun, ready to strike, but there was nothing. When she turned around, Katniss had an arrow pointed at her.

"Was that you?" Katniss asked.

"Was what me?"

"Did you touch my neck?" Katniss looked worried.

"Katniss, I was a few steps behind." Lexa replied, glancing around. "I felt something, too."

They continued walking, more slowly this time. Lexa felt a gentle stroke on her cheek, but she saw nothing. She saw Katniss flinch ahead of her.

"What is that?" Katniss asked. "It feels...good, but..." She shuddered as she felt what seemed like a hand on her forearm. She felt sensation after sensation, soft, unthreatening. "It's scaring me, Lexa."

"Katniss…" Katniss turned at Lexa's voice and saw her looking up at the sky. "It's getting darker."

The night sky had glowed with the soft light of the arena's false moon, but it was quickly dimming. As the light faded, the touches grew less soft. Lexa stumbled with an invisible push. Katniss stepped back with a sharp punch to her chest. Then the light disappeared completely.

* * *

"What a treat! We last saw this in the 52nd Hunger Games!" Caesar exclaimed breathlessly. The screen showed green outlines of Lexa and Katniss as they staggered with the blows. Their eyes shone like bright green stars against black.

"Ooooh, yes," Claudius purred. "Midnight in the Garden! The gamemakers are pulling out rare vintage tricks this year," he said with a chuckle.

"The tributes weren't even born when they did this. A desert arena, if I recall…" Caesar looked thoughtful but seemed to give up on the thought. He suddenly looked excitedly over at Claudius. "Oh! I wonder if they'll know the antidote!" Caesar looked straight into the camera. "It pays to know your Hunger Games history, boys and girls," he said, wagging his finger.

* * *

The arena had disintegrated into blackness. Katniss absorbed blow after blow, not hard enough to do serious damage but enough to disorient her. She heard Lexa's grunts as she was knocked around. The darkness was complete, like how she imagined the coal mines when the miner's lights went out. She shivered. A sudden blow to her face sent her sprawling to the ground. The prods and punches continued on her face, her chest. But not her back, which was on the ground. She flipped onto her belly, felt a sudden relief. The pack and quiver on her back softened the blows, and they didn't seem to be after her legs.

"Katniss?" she heard Lexa shout, not far away. "Where are you?" Then she heard Lexa cry out with a hit, heard her fall with a thud onto the hard ground. Then silence.

"Lexa?" A strange noise answered her, guttural and desperate. "Lexa!"

Katniss crawled in the direction of the noise. A blow to the back of her head pushed her face into the dirt. Her forehead caught a rock, and she felt warm blood down her face. She kept going. She heard a frantic rustling in the leaves.

"I'm coming!" she yelled. "Keep moving so I know where you are!" The blows rained on her back and head and now her legs. She no longer heard rustling. "Where are you?" She crawled frantically, trying to stay low but move quickly. Finally, she bumped into something. She reached out, felt Lexa's arm. Instinctively she jumped up and tried to push the attacker off. But there was no attacker, and she fell awkwardly across Lexa's body. She reached down, felt Lexa's shoulders and then moved her hands to her face, her skin.

The blows stopped. She heard Lexa suck in a long, desperate breath.

"Are you okay?" she asked, not pulling her hand away.

Lexa coughed harshly and then caught her breath. "It stopped."

"When I touched your face."

Lexa exhaled sharply. "Fuck." Her voice was ragged.

"What?"

"Midnight in the Garden." Lexa coughed. "Why didn't I remember?"

"Remember what?"

"This isn't new. They told us in training...but there was so much…"

"Lexa, what are you talking about."

"It doesn't matter. I need you to do something. Without taking your hand off my face, I need you to grab my hand with your other hand."

"Lexa-"

"Please, Katniss. Just listen to me."

Katniss reached down and took Lexa's hand.

"Now you can stop touching my face," Lexa instructed.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Lexa sounded tired and impatient.

Katniss took her hand away from Lexa's face and waited. Nothing.

"We just have to be touching each other's skin," Lexa said. "Don't let go."

"I won't." Katniss squeezed her hand softly. "What happened?"

"I was getting punched and then there were hands around my neck."

"How do they do it?"

"I have no idea."

They sat silently in the blackness for awhile until Lexa coughed.

"What do we do now?" Katniss asked.

"We wait."

Katniss sighed heavily. "I wish we could just get on with it."

"Careful what you wish for."

"They don't care what I want."

"It won't be long, Katniss. It's just the four of us now. They want their exciting ending."

"What are we going to do, Lexa?"

Lexa shook her head, though Katniss couldn't see. There was no good end. Lexa stroked Katniss' hand as they stared silently into the darkness.

They had been sitting a few minutes when there was a ragged shout in the distance. "Katniss!"

"That's Peeta," Katniss said frantically. "Peeta!" she shouted back and started to get up.

Lexa pulled her back down. "Don't let go," she said seriously.

Katniss gritted her teeth. "I can't just leave him out there."

"Just wait," Lexa responded.

"Katniss!" Peeta cried out again frantically.

The sky started to brighten. Katniss squinted, scanning for Peeta in the dim light. She couldn't find him. It went from night to dusk in a matter of seconds.

"Katniss!" Peeta's voice felt further away.

Katniss jerked up and yanked Lexa to her feet. "We have to get him!"

Lexa took in a deep breath and let go of Katniss' hand. The invisible touches returned, once again soft caresses.

"We need to be careful, Katniss."

It was a full noon sun now directly above them. The caresses had stopped, but Katniss felt a chill go down her sweaty back. The air felt electric.

"The end is coming," Lexa said grimly, feeling goosebumps on her arms.

"Where is he?" Katniss scanned the field that opened up between them and the cornucopia.

There was a rustle in the long grass not 50 yards away. Katniss strung her bow impossibly fast. Lexa slowly drew her sword, squinted, and took a deep breath. The outline of a man with a sword stalked slowly across the field, limping. With some effort he lifted it high with both hands.

"KATNISS!" Peeta's high-pitched cry filled the arena.

"LINCOLN, NO!" Before Lexa could move, she heard the quick snap of Katniss' bow string. The man in the grass fell. Lexa broke off from Katniss in a wild sprint. When she reached Lincoln, he was on his back, an arrow sticking up from the right side of his chest. She fell to her knees next to him and took his hand.

"Lexa-" he gasped. His brown eyes shined boyish in contrast to his man's body. He sucked in a sharp breath as his face clinched in pain. "I was almost...We were going to win."

Lexa just nodded and bit her lips, trying not to cry. She felt a dull pain in her chest. "My brother…" is all she could say as a tear dripped off her nose onto his chest.

He shook his head slowly, warding off his own tears. His eyes narrowed, looking into hers. "I'm sorry…" he whispered.

"It's okay, it's okay," she said over and over, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "We're okay."

"I was…" Lincoln gasped, his eyes growing vacant. "I'm so sorry."

 _All he ever knew to want was to win these Games._ Hot anger filled Lexa's chest. _All the training. All the glory. We were never going to be victors._ She blinked a pool of tears from her eyes. _We were only going to watch each other die._ Lexa bent down and put her cheek against Lincoln's.

"It's not your fault," she whispered. She pulled back again and saw his face relax. She nodded, her eyes looking searchingly into his. _Do you understand?_ He nodded slowly.

"Thank you," Lincoln said faintly. Then he coughed violently, blood spattering his lips. Lexa looked at the arrow in his chest. A punctured lung. Someone could fix it in the Capitol, but she knew no one would come. All they wanted was a winner. They might send an animal to finish him off. Or a mutt…

Lexa dropped her sword and brought her hands to her face. Sobs wracked her body. _Don't make me do this. Don't make me do this. Don't make me do this._ She felt strong arms encircle her. She leaned into Katniss' body.

"I'm so sorry," Katniss said through her own tears. "I'm sorry, Lexa...I had to…"

They cried together, their bodies shaking together. When there was a break in the fog of her grief, Lexa looked up at Katniss. "Peeta?" She hadn't heard a cannon.

Katniss looked down and shook her head. "He's...Lincoln had already got him. It's bad."

For the first time, Lexa looked over at where Peeta was. His eyes were closed, and his shirt was soaked in blood.

A low, loud growl shook them both from their grief. They looked up and saw three giant bears on the perimeter of the field, all standing on their hind legs.

"We need to…" Lexa looked down at Lincoln and Peeta with pain in her face.

Katniss shook her head angrily. "We can't! They can be saved."

"No one is going to save them, Katniss," Lexa said quietly, urgently. "Once those bears kill us, they'll die, too. Then no one will win."

"No one ever wins, Lexa."

The bears dropped to all fours and started walking slowly towards them.

"Katniss." Lexa's voice was firm, steady. "We need to do it now."

"No...no." Katniss was shaking her head, but she walked towards Peeta. Tears poured down her cheeks. She drew her knife. Lexa stood above Lincoln with her sword. The bears approached.

"Together," Lexa said, her voice now shaking. "One…"

"Thank you, Peeta," Katniss whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Two…" Lexa tried to steady her breathing as tears poured down her cheeks. "Through the heart, Katniss," she whispered. "Three…"

Just as two cannons went off, the bears broke into a run towards them. Katniss was fast, and one bear dropped as an arrow pierced its eye. Lexa positioned herself at Katniss' back and bent her knees into combat position. She heard Katniss' bowstring snap, then a metallic ringing, but she kept her eyes on the bear barrelling towards her. _It's big,_ she thought, _but I'm fast._ The world fell silent as the bear approached. Lexa saw metal teeth shining in the sun.

Lexa sprang to the side, drawing the bear away from Katniss. The bear was on her, a huge paw lifted with six-inch metal claws like knives. It swiped, and Lexa dodged, rolling under its massive body. She thrust her sword into its belly, but it was like stabbing a metal wall. Her arms rattled with the impact. She jumped to her feet and dashed under the bear's arm. She felt hot pain tear down her back, and she fell onto her stomach. Then the world turned white.

* * *

Katniss shot arrow after arrow at the black bear charging at her, but they seemed to bounce off its forehead and face like pebbles off a metal roof. _You're wasting arrows_ , she thought angrily. The bear suddenly close, it lifted onto its hind legs, running like a human towards her, its claws raised to strike. She dropped to the ground and somersaulted right through the gap between its legs. The bear halted to turn so suddenly that it tumbled to the ground. Katniss grabbed the knife that used to be Morris' from her belt and pounced onto the bear's sprawled body before it could get up, pushing the blade into its eye. Katniss tumbled to the ground as the bear collapsed like a switch had been turned off. As she picked herself up, she looked over to see Lexa's body in the grass with a bear over it.

* * *

 _Breathe!_ Lexa had been through pain simulations worse than this. She rolled onto her back and groped for her sword, found it in the grass. The bear was right above her, too close. She couldn't stand or get any leverage. She saw a giant paw coming down at her. She raised the sword more as a distraction, and the bear swatted it away. Then the other paw swung down. Lexa braced for the blow, but the arm jerked back suddenly, awkwardly. She saw Katniss on the bear's back. The bear reached back with its claws, but Katniss held on like an itch that can't be scratched. The bear thrashed wildly to throw her off, but Katniss held on, climbing up to the bear's head. Lexa jumped up, ignoring the pain screaming down her back, and swung her sword at the bear's neck. She felt metal again, but the bear reeled a few steps, giving Katniss a few moments to reach up with the arrow in her hand and awkwardly stab the bear in the eye.

The bear fell like dead weight towards Lexa who barely rolled out of the way.

She collapsed on the grass breathing heavily, her back glowing with stabs of pain. Katniss kneeled next to her.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know." Lexa grimaced as she sat up. "I think so."

Katniss looked at the claw streaks down her back. They were clean cuts with sharp blades. Katniss rolled her eyes at the Capitol. _You would have done a lot more damage with duller blades._ She looked at the wounds again. So much blood. There was nothing she could do. No balm. No bandages. She took off her jacket and then her shirt. She put her jacket back on before she started tearing the shirt into a few pieces. Then she helped Lexa out of her bloody jacket and shirt.

Lexa smiled weakly, the color draining from her face. "Now you'll take it all off."

A tiny smirk flashed across Katniss' face. "We need to stop the bleeding."

"It doesn't matter now, Katniss." Lexa shook her head, suddenly serious, as Katniss wrapped the makeshift bandages around the cuts. "You should just finish me so that one of us gets out."

"You know I won't do that." Katniss' fingers moved down Lexa's back, securing the bandages.

"Yeah, I know," Lexa replied as Katniss helped her into her jacket. She looked around. Lincoln and Peeta like stones in the grass. The wreckage of mechanical bears crumpled a few feet away. Lexa shivered. "Let's go sit in the cornucopia."

Katniss nodded and helped Lexa to her feet. She inhaled a small breath of relief as she saw that some color had returned to Lexa's face. They walked slowly to the dark metal cornucopia and sat on the steps to its platform. Katniss wrapped her arms carefully around Lexa who rested her head on her shoulder. Katniss stroked Lexa's hair and let a few tears slip down her cheeks. They sat huddled together silently in each other's warmth, not sure what would happen next.

After a few minutes, they heard a dull rumbling from the sky. A hovercraft floated towards them from the horizon. They both stood wearily, knowing that the end was here. The hovercraft was massive. Not one of the small ones they sent to retrieve bodies. As it floated down towards them, they saw Panem's logo painted in gold on its underside. It hovered just a few feet from the ground in front of them.

"Attention tributes," a voice filled the arena. "We remind you that either one or none of you will leave this arena a victor." With a surprisingly quiet hum, two giant cannons rolled out from the hovercraft and pointed at each of them.

Katniss turned to look at Lexa, her gray eyes searching. Lexa's eyes closed for a moment, and she pulled Katniss into a long hug, Katniss careful not to touch the cuts on Lexa's back. After a long time, they looked at each other again. Katniss put her hand gently onto the back of Lexa's neck. Their lips came together softly. Salty tears fell as they kissed again and again. Finally, they pulled away from each other and turned to face the guns.

Looking straight into the barrel of the cannons, Lexa reached down and threaded her fingers between Katniss' and said, "Tell me what it was like to grow up in District 12."


End file.
